There followed an urgent return home to reunite with family and re-establish a home base. I was only able to secure a one day a week teaching position and found myself with much time on my hands. The news blared disaster, there was an earthquake, a hurricane, and lots of external issues to think about... and sleepless nights thinking about them. Memories from childhood surfaced from within the dream world, some good and some not so good. Yet when I really thought about it I wasn't much changed from that lonely kindergarten student that watched the other kids play from a distant corner of the playroom and then retreated to the solitary activity of doing the puzzle of the United States throughout the entire school year. I can still see the pieces and hear my internal pronunciations of Wooming and Oreegan. I was content being a loner back then, until I learned that it was not a good way to be in the world... it was considered weird. Years were spent trying to be outgoing, interesting, successful and I realized that I was the actress that I wanted to be when I grew up.
Now it is a different game, a new playing field... as a shift in perspective has taken hold. Outwardly there will be no great metamorphosis... I will still enjoy the company of family, still shoot photos of things that interest me, read, write, knit, teach... but instead of trying to fit into a world that doesn't quite make sense any more, I will also go within through meditation and reflection and try to find some of the beauty that I see around me... from a quiet place deep within myself.
