Road Trip!

Today I am busily doing my domestic goddess thing: cleaning, vacuuming, laundry, caring for Otis, while also packing clothes and making lists preparing for the second launching of Gerry's youngest son Colin. We are taking him to San Diego, Ca where he found a job in his field and will meet up with friends and probably be attending college in the Spring to pursue a Master's Degree in Engineering. Since he is an avid surf boarder and guitar player will will be loading up the Subaru wagon to drive him to his next stop in life. Of course, it is also good practice to see how we do on the road... as we plan to fulfill our dream of checking out of society for a while (once we sell the house) and living a frugal existence in a Eurovan, while seeing the sights of America. Tonight all the kids will be coming over with beer and pizza to celebrate Colin's leaving and my 52 birthday (which is tomorrow). I'm hoping that they will tag team to take care of Otis in our absence... he's really no trouble at all, but there will be no room for him on this trip (he is coming to live with us in the Eurovan one day). I'm pretty excited about the trip and hope to do a lot of the driving so I can choose where we pull over when I see a good photo opportunity. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the fast food that will probably sustain us on our trip... I'll try to keep that order to a happy meal minimum, after all there will be very little exercise with all that driving. I just wonder how far we'll get by the day's end tomorrow... it would be nice spending a night in a state I have not yet visited... Ohio maybe?

Anyway, I hope to have some good stories to post when I get back... take care all!

Some Kinda Prank

We been trying to sell our home of 13 years for over a year now, and although many people have seen it and loved it, they either offered us a foreclosure price or it was not exactly what the seekers wanted. It is a 123 year old home, a proud victorian Princess with lots of little rooms. There is a faux fireplace in the kitchen, but not one in the living room. The dining room has seated 12 people comfortably, but there is no wall space for a hutch, breakfront, or china cabinet. The kitchen was gutted and remodeled in 2002 and although it is the gathering place for our large family to congregate while Gerry and I cook, it is pretty much standing room only. The house has shifted and some of the walls and ceilings that are of the original plaster, have cracks and creases... I know the little flaws. On the plus side it is solidly built with all the charm that these type homes have to offer... pocket doors, decorative trim, a shaded front porch... oh don't get me started. I watch every day as people ride by and stop and admire and I wonder what they are thinking. So I was surprised the other day when someone rode by in a car, slowed down in the middle of the rode to look, when I realized the for sale sign was missing. Was this an omen of things to come? Did the wild animals who roam our property and are rewarded with "treats" steal the sign in protest of our planned escape? Or did our contract end and the realtor took the sign away? I called him to ask. "Nooo, I did not take the sign down, we have several more months to go" he stated. "it must be vandals. I'll call the police and replace it." He came to replace the sign a few hours later, and relayed the story that there have been other reports of for sale signs in town missing, and from what the police told him, someone's home in a neighboring town (whose house was not on the market) was targeted with over 50 for sale signs adorning their front lawn. Wow, imagine the terror you might feel seeing that sight. One might feel completely unwanted in the neighborhood and it would make you wonder who or how many people didn't like you, or you might just chalk it up to young vandals performing a random stupid prank. Even so, I think that scenario is just creepy enough to fuel some worry and perhaps a dark nightmare.

Otis, Cool your Jets!

Yes the dog days of summer are upon us and finally the temperatures have gone up into the 90's where they belong. I just love the hot and humid weather and have only recently put AC in our bedroom for sleeping when it gets above the 90 degree mark. The rest of the house stays pretty comfortable because of all shade trees that surround our home. Poor Otis in his summer fur coat doesn't really like the heat and humidity and so he gets really lazy during the day. He can't sweat by panting like a dog, doesn't like to drink water our of a bowl (if there is anything but food in his little glass bowl he gets mad, and will pick it up with his teeth and hurl it across the room in protest and so he just sulks. He really is a bit of curmudgeon! I give him plenty of lettuce so he gets enough hydration, but sometimes he seems so hot and grumpy that I have to take extraordinary measures... like putting an ice-cube on his little head. The first time Gerry did that I thought it was funny but kinda cruel. Otis's eyes got real big and he got that panicky rabbit look on his face. It seemed that he was too scared to move, so he just sat there until the ice started melting down his face and then he shook his head, shivered and then did the happy bunny jump. After that he started hopping around the kitchen doing his little rabbit maneuvers (jumps and spins) and then seemed a little happier. Now when I see him looking hot and hang dog, I place an ice cube on his head and I think he really likes it. It must be refreshing, and then when it melts he shakes it off and then attempts to bite it with his teeth (a sneaky way to get him to sip some water. Afterwards he gets a little more active and then when he finally settles down he seems contented. The top picture shows him just after the ice cooling looking all snugly in his hay box (he has a separate one for his litter as he doesn't like laying in his own poo.) Isn't he the vision of contentment as he munches on a blade of timothy grass? His paws are held in front of him as if he was praying... probably for some cooler weather!

A Girlie Weekend

What a whirl of a weekend it was... a girlie weekend to be sure. After weeks of planning and preparing, the big day of Erica's wedding shower arrived. My sister flew and niece flew in from FL on Wednesday, and we got to get together for lunch on Thursday. Didn't I feel like a big deal tooling them around in my little car Red Wing (a year is a long time to go without a car). On Friday there were the shopping trips for outfits, accessories, gifts, and cards. There were trips to the hair and nail salons (truly a rare treat in this economy) and the family dinners both at home and at the local pub, where all the "cousins" could catch up. The shower included a luncheon at Chimney Rock, a place known for its exceptional thin crust pizza. Although our kids are blended as the product of two divorces, you would never have guessed that there was ever any hint of animosity in the laughing and lively conversation at the table. Erica's real mom and I shared jokes, laughs, and our best self deprecating antics. Pictures were taken of Erica and her bridesmaids and you would have thought that Hollywood was auditioning for the red carpet as they all looked so beautiful in their pretty dresses. The guests shared one long table that were soon laden with all of the "Rock's" best appetizers: buffalo wings, egg rolls, antipasto salad, apple and blue cheese over baby greens, fried calamari with marinara sauce, and one made especially for Erica... french fries smothered in cheese and bacon! Then once the little dishes were cleared out came about 10 different pizzas that stood on pedestals down the length of the table. For dessert, there was a tier of brownies made to look like a cake and decorated with chocolate candy coating of good wishes and fresh strawberries. One thing is certain in this family... food is very important and a hearty appetite is a thing of joy for even the thinest of our family members. The girls gathered around the bride to be, as she opened box upon box of what us old timers in the room remarked as glamorous household items... no clothespins and dishtowels here... there were crystal goblets, food processors, ice-cream makers and of course the usual assortment of lingerie which got ooohs and ahhhs from even the oldest of the attendees. Erica couldn't have been more gracious, stating to all the guests several times, "You are all an awesome group of women, thank you so much for being here." None of us would have missed it for the world! When the shower was over the girls delivered the gifts to Erica's home and then got into a chauffeured van for their bachelorette overnight trip to Atlantic city for drinking, dancing, and general mayhem. (I could only guess what ensued as we didn't do that ritual back in my day, but the van was my gift towards the festivities... one less thing for me to worry about). Afterwards, I got to visit with my sister as Gerry prepared a a fabulous dinner of

shrimp and asparagus in a dill butter sauce over tagliatelle... you know, something light after that big lunch. So much food, so many laughs, so many wonderful memories!

A Delightful Pampering

Well, it's been over a year since I highlighted my softly graying hair and with three showers and a wedding coming soon, I gave in to vanity and went for some foil highlights. Vivi was happy to see me, and excitedly asked how my trip was going. I had to report that we never sold our house and have not even bought our Eurovan yet. Always cheerful, she gave her vote of confidence that we would be going soon... when the time was perfect. I was the only one in the shop and after some polite conversations about our families, she got down to the business of the separating the small sections of hair with her magic rat-tailed comb and brushing on the purple dye paste down the hair shafts that were skillfully placed against a square of aluminum foil and then carefully folded in half horizontally and then again, and then vertically folded at the edges until my head looked like a space aged Medusa. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the gentle combing, brushing, and folding in silence. Vivi is delightful and gives in to quiet concentration when she works. I like that because then I can enter that state of almost sleep and stillness that is really a quiet meditation. I am thankful that I can enjoy this appeal to my vanity, and the fussing and pampering that go along with the process. When she finished the foiling, a timer was set, some coffee was brought to me, and I got to read my novel in peace and quiet for 20 minutes. Then to the sink for the rinse out and application of "gloss" (whatever that is). Another 10 minutes of reading, some pleasant chat with another patron about my age who was getting a haircut and blow dry, and then back to the sink for the final rinse out and gentle detangle by an expert shampooist who more than earned her tip with her serious attention to perfect water temperature, perfect scalp massage pressure, and the gentlest of combings. I was so pampered and when the blow dry was done... I did look a good 5 years younger with the lightening (at least I thought I did, though it had to be pointed out to my husband). I use to say that "beauty parlors" were for silly old ladies... I guess I'll eat those words and pronounce... guilty as charged.

An Old Swinger

Finally the hazy, hot, dog days of summer have arrived and I couldn't be more delighted. Creaky and achy as I am on most mornings, once the coffee and Nicorette kick in I'm raring to go. My spandex is washed and waiting, my hat and gloves and funky glasses are in their perch and ready to be donned, and with my trusty wheels I ride off to my exhilaration... after my husband leaves for work. My hair flies free as the wind in my face as I race up and down familiar streets, with eyes hungry for new sights, ears listening for new sounds... the art of the sport. Suddenly as I race over the bridge I spy that old friend that I have neglected for decades. I almost passed him without a thought and then something told me to stop, experience, and just go with the flow. With a wild abandon I park my vehicle, and shyly look around to see that no one is looking and then I hop right into his lap. Before I can rethink what I am doing I am held in the tight familiar grip with my legs pointing towards the sky as my old rhythm returns. Wildly pumping and panting I am free again... holding on for dear life as I push forward and pull back. I'm a swinger again amidst the empty park... sun on my face, cedar mulch under my feet and the lazy clouds floating by. Sixty good solid pumps ( I counted them) was all I needed to feel young, vibrant, and alive again. I thought about doing my old swinger dismount... but that would be taking things a bit too far. What a simple thrill it was!

Practicing Patience is Trying Sometimes

I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most patient person in the world. I have a lot of nervous energy and I'm at my best when some part of me is moving in purposeful pursuit of getting something done... that's why I like doing housework (the grungier the better). Today I was charged with taking Gerry's car in for a service call. I was prepared for the two hour sit with a book and my notebook for writing, knowing that I would still be able to meet my daughter for lunch at the mall. Well, when I got there I was informed that the work would take about 3 1/2 hours... I let out an audible groan. The nice man behind counter, told me he would try to put two workers on the job and reduce the time it took. Now I felt bad because I knew he heard my annoyance, and I never realize how much what I'm thinking comes out in my body language (I probably also rolled my eyes when he said 3 1/2 hours). I took my seat with several other women about my age and decided to start my reading with a gossip magazine... poor Farrah would probably not have complained about having to wait around a car dealership. A TV was blaring some crazy news story about an athlete losing a nipple and I noticed all the women sitting there glanced briefly at such a ridiculous "news" event and scowled back at their reading material. After my fill of celebrity tales and woes, I switched over to my novel. It is a historical fiction set in Edwardian England and in this little office with a TV blaring, workman strolling in and out with their bellowing banter, and the whizz and whir of mechanical machines, I just could not get into the pastoral scenes in the English countryside. Two hours went by and I had to get up and move. I went outside and took a walk around the parking lot and pretended to be interested in all the new models of Subaru as I enjoyed the heat under the noon sun. So far, so good... two hours and I didn't feel that bad. I went back in to get a report on progress and was told that everything looked good and the car would be done by 1:00. I sat and started writing a memory from childhood... a happy one and a whole half hour went by. The other women patiently read, as I started kicking my leg, and shaking my ankle, and fidgeting in my seat. I was starving at this point, but the free coffee and sweet confections were off limits as they would just make me more hyped up and impatient. At 1:00 I jumped up and strolled over to the counter (the other women had long gone and a new set of patient waiters sat quietly in their chairs). "Is it almost done?" I wailed, "I'm starving." I even sounded pathetic to myself. "Just a few more minutes, miss, the guys are doing the road test, but I'll ring up your bill if you want." He chatted cheerfully as I tapped the credit card on the counter and tried to listen patiently so I could make some pleasant small talk response. I was almost at my limit, but I thanked him for saving me 15 minutes of the 31/2 hour wait. And I was very, very careful not to make it sound sarcastic.

Content to Just Be

What a wonderful, glorious, peaceful and productive day it was. I got to sleep until I woke up... no nagging alarm at 5:00 AM, instead I stretched and lingered until the birds gave me the signal that it was time to get up and get going... 6:22, which is actually the time I was born (go figure). I wandered downstairs to greet Otis and Gerry, who had already had their morning guy bonding on the couch. I didn't bother to turn the volume on the TV, I can read the local weather forecast and after a week of constant TV yammering, I was happy for the silence. Instead I sat on the front porch, and enjoyed the beginning of a dog day of summer... hot, hazy, and humid (how I waited for this). I played with my Otis, who run to me as I lay on the floor and delivered rabbit kisses to my face and hands. I really felt like he missed me this passed week while I was away (I know for sure my husband did). Happily I cleaned and vacuumed the house, washed my car, Otis's cage and the front porch. I then fixed the side molding on my car with gorilla glue... oh, that stuff is just fantastic! I cleaned up the yard, did two loads of laundry and washed and painted the old rockers on the front porch. Then, feeling very special because I have a car again, I dropped some clothes at the cleaners, went and bought two plastic porch chairs while the rockers dry on the lawn, and snooped at Marshall's in case i saw a nice inexpensive outfit for Gerry's daughter's wedding shower this weekend. I was thrilled to find a colorful gypsy skirt and a long teal cotton top that covers the drawstring waist. there are little bells on the strings and the bottom of the skirt has a gold ribbon sewed into the hem which gives it a real wild look. I also found the gold and silver gladiator style sandals that I have been searching for all summer... they were on sale for $7.00 (I thought I would faint at my good fortune!) Though it is 90 degrees and I'm on my second change of clothes, I couldn't be happier at home as a domestic goddess again. I tried the full time work thing and made some money to buy my car, some gifts for family, and my new outfit... but watching my brother in law's health deteriorate over the last week has made me reflective... and thankful for my good health. Life is short and there is no place better to be than where you already are at any given moment. I am content to be with myself, and my happiness depends on it.

A Sabbatical of Mercy

Ok, I ended a job that was just not right for me. I ended it in good standing, hey I don't believe in burning bridges, hell as an existential witch I don't believe in burning of any kind... I'm sure you could understand. I looked forward to lunches with my daughter and her unborn little girl, Annabelle, my grandchild. I looked forward to resuming Zumba classes with Gerry's daughter Erica, who deserves stress management while planning her upcoming wedding in October... on mischief night... oh, how fun that will be! I planned on writing and blogging and cleaning this albatross of a big old house that has seemed to out- serve it's intended purpose as a home for a large family... me, Gerry and Otis could do so much better in a Eurovan down by a river, or a canyon, or at the beach. So much work and planning and so little time and few buyers on the horizon. But all things considered I am the luckiest person in the world, I have my health and exuberance. The carpal tunnel and elbow mouse that I inherited as a condition of continuing my blogs and working full time on a computer screen is no match for our visit this weekend with my beautiful sister-in -law Ellen and her husband Dan.. who is dying of lung cancer. He is on hospice and frequent doses of liquid morphine... rambling in and out of coherency, sometimes funny and sometimes belligerent, while Ellen patiently loves him as she always has. She is a mastered degreed social worker and has spent a lifetime helping others in medical, social, and psychological dilemmas ... and now these dramas frame her own life. It doesn't seem fair that this saint of a person should deal with the difficulties of a dying spouse on her own, and that my in-laws who are well into their eighties should have to be her sole support... I can hear in their voices that it is too much for them. So I will return to her next week, so she can continue the work she loves, while keeping an eye on her husband who continues to smoke and is so weak that he could pose a real danger to himself. I always trust the universe in its willing desire to help you with decisions of timing... the ones related to love and compassion... you must figure out for yourself.

A Win Win Ending

Today was a day of reflection over the past several weeks of an increasingly difficult job assignment. for the past two days I was sent to deliver the services of two experienced case managers in the hospital oncology wards. Many patient;s were going home after long stays of chemotherapy and needs services ranging from visiting nurses, to lifesaving medications to implantable chest tubes that would keep them breathing comfortably. It was my job to get pre-authorization from insurance companies, find the participating vendors who would service them in their area as well as do the justification reporting and documentation on their complicated medical stay within the hospital. It was completely overwhelming, and instead of going home feeling as if i was a helping hand, I felt as if I was an incompetent hindrance as the orders were piling up and I frantically searched for the people resources who could help me. I left yesterday with tightness in my chest and a wicked headache... but no tears. You see, while choking down my lunch on a park bench outside of the children's center I was confronted by a fellow lonely person. A young man in a white coat miserably held his head in his hands and in a quavering voice asked my opinion on a difficult decision he was trying to make. "Miss, I am having a terrible time here and feel like I can't go on. I'm almost finished with my pharmacy rotation and I absolutely hate this job. Everyone here is always stressed out and sometimes yelling at me and it feels hopeless (boy could I relate to this kind soul). I gave him the same advice that I gave my son..." you are young and unattached and this is your life. You are always free to seek happiness and that is how you should feel about the work you intend to do. If you gave it your best shot and it is not working , then maybe it is time to move on." He looked so relieved and almost started to cry. We talked a bit and it seemed clear that he had a dream that he would have rather been pursuing all along, but somehow got caught up in the pressures put upon him by someone else. We talked about life, and it was clear that he thought it was hard remaining a kind and calm person in this big city hospital where compassion was hard to come by. I explained that usually the meanest people were those who felt the most insecure and although they probably mean no harm, their unhappiness becomes like a poison and can ruin the joy of others. Then we talked about books and career paths and he seemed in better spirits when I left him to his decision. At the end of my hellish day I went to the nursing office and told them that the job was not working for me and I needed a day to decide my future course. They seemed to understand, as I quietly stated that I was in over my head. Today I let the recruiter know that I could not continue this job and I was surprised at how compassionate and understanding she was. She did not realize the true extent of the work I was expected to do and yet offered me the gift of praise for being honest, and stated that I had won the respect of the whole staff at the hospital who knew I remained professional under harsh circumstances. I agreed to finish out the week on a less intense assignment and she said she would keep me in mind for future part-time temp jobs requiring less stress. It was an amicable exchange and I know when I return tomorrow I would be finishing up a situation that would have the best outcome for all. I was glad to have realized that if you are going to give advice to others, you should be prepared to accept the same advice for yourself.

Ok... not done, just on hold.

Last week was a tough one for many reasons and so I'll explain in bullets.

1. I was publicly humiliated in front of the peers that I enjoy working with by an insecure older woman who accused me of screwing up a process that she would not explain to me... I made amends on my lack of experience on Friday, and vindicated myself by helping a patient get a lifesaving medication... after misinformation by his insurance company and the pharmacy associated with his insurance plan. The patient was thankful and accepted my apology for a managed care mistake. I can trouble shoot and do my job well, in spite of the thwarting attempts by those who hate the fact that I don't have to do this work at all.

2. I was a happy middle-ager welcoming my graying hairs and wrinkles in exchange for a newfound wisdom and a female freedom.. when PMS struck yet again, I'm not done with the bloodletting release just yet... phooey!

3. My sleepless nights were catching up with me... it is not normal to be washing floors at 3:30 AM and then have to be fresh faced for work at 8:00 AM... hell my day is half over so imagine how I feel the next day at 9:00 PM.

4. I just lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks, am thirsty all the time, and I was told I might have an elevated blood sugar that needs another test... diabetes like my Dad?... yikes, scary.

5. I have a great love of life and adventure, but I am also overly dramatic and passionate... I should have been the actress that was the calling vocation of my childhood, but there is no starting over on that front at this stage of the game... I have responsibilities now.

6. Since only my family and a few other people peek in now and again, I didn't think my words would sound so maudlin as to leave my loved ones worrying about my sanity... just call and talk to me like my son did and you find me to be in my usual wacky, happy spirits.

7. I have a bad case of tendonitis, carpal tunnel, and arthritis of my right elbow... so mousing is painful and I need to take a rest from the 5 blogs I manage, as I am on the computer mousing all day at work.

So about my last post... it was a bad night, a tough week, and I write from my deepest and honest feelings... forgive me my written diarrhea of the mind. I learned a good lesson here.

Yes, WWWAAHHHH sometimes its sucks to be me. Hahaha (LOL) :>)