All About a Mother's Love

A little star lay crestfallen upon the soft earth

feeling alone and out of sorts.

Mother Moon shone down her golden beam of light

and gently asked, "my child what is the matter?"

I am so little up there in the sky, he stammered.

"Why can't I be like the great stars that shine so bright?"

Mother Moon replied, "The great Diviner made you especially

for the wishes of some small child much like yourself.

You and only you can shine for his earthly wishes."

After a snuffle and a deep sigh, the little star

smiled and asked, "then I do matter?"

"Yes, you matter very much," replied Mother Moon.

And with that she caressed the little star with her

golden light and placed him gently back into the sky.

Only she could see the face of a small child gazing up

to the night sky in search of the star who could

bravely grant his important wish.

There was a twinkle in her eye.

Democracy is Dead in America

Democracy which is supposed to refer to rule by and for the people has breathed it's last dying breath here in America. We now have a two party system made up of wealthy politicians whose only goal seems to be is to get elected and stay elected. And it's no wonder why. With corporations and wealthy institutions opening suitcases of money through the whoring works of lobbyists, in exchange for voting favors to suit their agendas... well money talks with the language of God so it must be trusted, right? Wrong! In my mind a true democracy should work like a family where the guardians (hello Plato) set guidelines for the children, but treat them as loved equals and share the wealth for the well-being of all. Here we have a family where the parents seem to team up with other parents to enjoy lavish lifestyles while the children are made to work like slaves, thrown crumbs at their hungry mouths while suffering constant reminders of punishment if they don't toe the line and stay in their place. Some of the children will become fierce defenders of the abusive parents believing that things can only get worse, some will sullenly accept their place and give up their dreams and aspirations, others will whine and complain believing tantrums will change things, but I'm putting my faith on the game changers who see the injustice, call it out of its hiding, and inspire others to join the fight against the tyranny. It is called a revolution and it is about time. If you look up the term oligarchy, it means "a form of government where the power is vested in a dominant class or clique. Although the majority of people vote for the clique of wealthy politicians, it's only because they are the only choice you have. Gone are the days when an Independent candidate can even get on the ballot. There seems to be two prerequisites for being a politician, lots of money and the ability to be a convincing liar. For all the work the Congress and Senate claim be doing, they have accomplished nothing for the people who have voted them into office. Last night's State of the Union Address was telling. On one hand the Democrats did a lot of clapping and cheering for the President as he tried to outline the direction forward, but behind his back they squabble about petty nonsense related to their own pet projects. The Republicans don't even pretend to like the President, as they sit like spoiled sore losers who will only work to obstruct any plan that doesn't suit their own slimy agendas. Their big job is to turn the middle class against the poor, while behind the scenes they play kinky games with big business so they can remain in the upper wealth category of the clique. The majority of Supreme Courts justices are even worse. They have paved the way for multinational big business... the greediest and most powerful of all entities to hold our future elections hostage with bags of dirty money. You can forget about your measly little vote counting for anything now. Unless you are up there with the clique, plan on remaining a peasant or a serf. There is a hope, however, and our President is appealing to us... the people, to get tough about the change we all clamored for. There is so much we can do. First we must vote out the clique by putting our own working class people on the ballots, no Democrats or Republicans allowed. Next we can stop using credit cards, to stop the loan sharking that crippled our buying power in the first place. The money of the people should only go to local banks like a George Bailey's Savings and Loan who will use money wisely to invest in the working class for whom they serve. In an attempt to educate our children, we as the guardians should collectively decide how much a college education should cost and base it on academic merit and a fair percentage of income. Residents should vote for budgets with the future in mind and stop worrying about their own selfish tax relief. If your rich company is holding your life hostage with more work and lower wages and you hate your job don't get mad... quit and do something you might enjoy or start your own business. If you're financially in trouble, call upon your neighbors for help... as we can see with the Haitian relief effort, American people really do want to help. We have a great leader in President Obama, but like he said he can't effect change alone and it seems that many of our elected and appointed officials are in no position to even want to try.... unless it's self serving. If we had a democracy, they would all be fired.

Curried Glow of an Indian Feast

On a cold winter's day with a spittle of rain in the air, the best place to be is in the kitchen with the creative thoughts of a homemade meal. Gerry had found a recipe for marinated lambchops, Indian style, that he had a hankering to make. Though he often cooks the whole meal and rarely uses a recipe or a cookbook, the NY Jets were playing and so he thought it would be a good quick dish to serve after the game. I wanted to help with the meal and so I flew to the cookbooks to find some complimentary side dishes that were within my creative capability. I found a lentil recipe that would use up the bag of red lentils that have been occupying space in the cabinet for quite some time. It was called chana dahl (sounds like china doll?) with cucumbers and seemed pretty easy. I also found a recipe for warm spicy yoghurt, which made me think of some fabulous dish we had in an Indian restaurant once that looked like a caramelized curdled milk and was quite delicious. I've been in a baking mood lately, and although I recently made some delicious oatmeal currant cookies, the first batch were ruined because I forgot to add the oatmeal. When the pancake like cookies came out of the oven, I realized my mistake and scraped them into a bowl and mixed the broken cookies with raw oats. It looked like granola when it cooled and so I thought I would use the mistake in a pie... a custard pie. With our game plan in mind we went to the store for the ingredients and upon returning home I went to get ready to visit my grand-daughter as planned. Before I could get ready for the visit, Gerry had his lamb chops marinating as if nothing had occurred. Off we went to see our little Annabel, who was contented to sleep in our arms as we passed her back and forth. At 3 PM we made it home in time for the football kick-off. I got busy with my recipes while Gerry watched the game, giving me hints of how our team was doing by yells and claps. I made my custard pie using fat-free lactaid, cut the sugar in half, and when it was almost set, I added my cookie granola for some extra pizazz. The crust got a little overcooked because it took almost double the time to set than if I followed the directions and used whole milk. No disaster... it was firm and golden and looked pretty good. While the baking was in progress I put the lentils to boil and in no time I had a sudsy spill-over mess on the stove. At the time I was in deep concentration over the peeling and grating of garlic and ginger, the de-seeding of cucumbers and tiny little chilies, as well as the measuring of turmeric, coriander, cumin seeds... an endless combination of spices. Needless to say the two recipes I chose along with my "simple" dessert cost me the entire football game. I was sweating and swearing and had a big mess going on. At one point Gerry came into the kitchen and just shook his head as I was "fighting" with an onion using a steak knife ( I admit I'm scared to death of his chef knives). I managed to get the kitchen in order in time for Gerry to deftly fry and oven finnish his chops. He plated them on a bed of mesclun and whipped together a mint sauce as well. As you can see they looked spectacular... and tasted divine. My lentils were spicy and delicious, and the warm yogurt with onions and chilis was really hot, but really good. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to look like egg-salad (you just can't get a fine mince of onion with a steak knife), but scooping it up with delicious warm Naan bread, you didn't really have time to think about the looks. The pie was served hours after dinner with a little whipped cream, and although time consuming for me, the candle-lit meal was a delicious success (in spite of a Jets loss).

* Photo compliments to Gerry

Is Contentment Boredom in Disguise?

One thing I've learned from the various dramas that have occurred in my life, is that drama is like a runaway train that speeds up and out of control by the energy it receives. If it's negative energy as fuel you can be sure it will meet the destination in a crash and burn scenario. If it's positive energy it will fuel joy, laughter, and excitement until it reaches a peak, runs out of steam, and then gently plateaus to a point of rest and relaxation. Often during this rest period when nothing is really exciting and yet nothing is dramatically wrong, there is a sense of restlessness. This restlessness is a subtle form anxiety that occurs when we are "just being" without distraction. We are taught at a young age that it is unhealthy to "do nothing" and so there is the constant striving for activity and interest in doing anything... especially if it means creating drama. Imagine going to a dinner party and being asked, "how are you doing?" I can almost bet that no one will want to interact with you if you answer complacently, "just being," and leave it at that. It's usually the most dramatic storytellers as crafters of doing, thinking, and feeling that garner all the attention because it's taught that "just being" is well... boring. But the positive side of boring (defined as a lack of interest or activity) is that by learning to be comfortable with that natural plateau of life's ups and downs, there is a sense of peace or contentment that starts creeping in. Though everyone claims to strive for peace, I don't think anyone would be willing to give up the excitements or arousals that would cease to be in that perfect state of contented being. There would be nothing left to strive for, and that in itself would be a form of death. No wonder, as we yawn at the everyday ordinariness of the life we have carved for ourselves, we get anxious when bored. As co-creators in a world that thrives on dramas and distraction, peace or contentment is really just boredom in disguise.

Mind Blurts

Often as I go about my day doing the tasks that I assign to myself in the hopes of filling the day with meaningful activity, some quote will just pop in my head and distract me to no end. It's not just the usual mental chatter that I've learned to chase away, but a bold statement that demands a closer listen. Usually I'm good about refraining from blurting out the first thing that comes to my mind in front of other people, as I've been caught in some embarrassing situations where a seemingly innocent comment by me, has resulted in peals of laughter as a the phrase is unconsciously linked to strong innuendo. For instance, one time I blurted out to my in-laws that I love pigs and I sleep with one every night... I was referring to my stuffed animal Babe and not my husband which caused a moment of uncomfortable silence. My kids have a field day with my ignorant blurts, and have asked me to use the word "bunny" and not "rabbit" when I am going on about how I love my pet Otis. It would never had occurred to me that people might be thinking of me loving a sex-toy. Geez. No, the mind blurts that I'm talking about now come out from the blue as internal directives. Today the voices blurted, "Live your life as if it depends on it." I was baking cookies for a relative at the time and thought I was in the process of living. I took inventory on the tasks that I needed to accomplish and realized that most of them involved doing something for someone else... there wasn't a "for me" task on the list. So here I am at the computer with a host of things to do and I'm writing about myself, for myself, as if it really matters... just to appease the "Furies" so they will shut up. Will they? I guess it just depends.

Otis Missed Me!

Last weekend proved to be a very shitty one for me... quite literally. I had been anticipating going to Gerry's holiday party for dinner and dancing and socializing (I don't get out much). Gerry bought me a new black dress and high heeled shoes and I was so excited for Saturday night. I had two episodes recently where I thought that I had thrown my back out doing various household tasks but eventually the spasms subsided and I was feeling... ok. On Friday I awoke with an uncomfortable feeling in my abdomen, but I usually ignore stuff like that because at my age there's always something uncomfortable going on... "mind over matter" is my motto. However, by 7 PM the discomfort turned into a stabbing pain in my side and I knew I needed to be seen at the local clinic. They did bloodwork and sent me to the hospital for a CT scan, with a diagnosis of suspected appendicitis. Was I pissed off thinking about my missed party? You bet. I sent Gerry home knowing that this would be an overnight ordeal and worst case scenario they would snare out the appendix and I would go home in the morning. At 1 PM the CT scan was completed and more blood work was taken. At 3 PM the ER doctor came to tell me my appendix was fine but there was something suspicious on my colon and my liver enzymes were very elevated. I was told that I would be admitted for further testing... the doctor looked really concerned. On Saturday all thoughts of the party disappeared as I was handed the report which had the words "suspected malignant neoplasm" in the report. I almost fainted and being an oncology nurse for years... well you could just imagine how I felt. The pain subsided but was replaced with dread and shock and fear. I tried to be brave for Gerry's sake, but I'm very emotional and spilled a few tears of self pity. He was so supportive and kept reminding me to be positive. He even laid his hands on my side to do a healing. I was so touched and cried for his love and concern. Then the bowel prep of mega laxatives began and for two days I was awkwardly running to the bathroom with an IV pole and a pad between my legs to get "clear for the colonoscopy. I didn't want anyone to know about my predicament and I certainly didn't want any visitors under the circumstance. I was happy to hear from Gerry that back at home Otis my bunny kept jumping up on my side of the couch seemingly perplexed that I wasn't there. Gerry put my bathrobe on the couch and poor Otis burrowed into it and wouldn't come out for some time. It's not like him to do something like that! I had my test on Monday and miraculously they did not find anything wrong. The doctor and nurses were baffled. I still have to have a test to see why the liver enzymes went up and where the pain was coming from, but they think I passed a gallstone. I wouldn't have thought of that as I had my gall bladder removed last year, but evidently the body can still makes stones that block the bile duct from the liver. Who knew? I'm home now and waiting for a follow up test and a clean bill of health, as I'm convinced that Gerry and Otis healed me more than medical care ever could.

Toughest job in the World... Not!

Today I got my mundane domestic goddess chores done in a flash and then packed my little lunch of leftovers to joyfully head to my new job. I sang as I drove my 15 minute commute doing the speed limit of course, but wishing everyone else on the road would go just a little faster. I pulled up to my destination and got out with my lunch and a shopping bag of little surprises... some fruit, some clothes, and some CD's. I rushed in the door to meet the team "mascot" who shook with delight as I reached in my pocket for a little treat. Her thanks was a big wet kiss, a sneeze, and a snort. I made my way into the "work" area and set down my bag. My heart jumped for joy as I gazed down at my sleeping "assignment." What a job, I thought, as I headed to microwave to heat my lunch so I could get started right away. There were hugs and the exchange of information, and I wolfed down my lunch with a glass of water and got right down to business. Gently I scooped up my prize package and marveled at the the big blue eyes that surveyed me for a moment and then gave a big stretch of awakening. There was a quiver of lip and a kitten-like whimper. "Team Mom" went to hit the shower and get ready for some time out... shopping. I took my position on the couch and cuddled and cooed to my precious grand-daughter, and was happy there were no distractions like TV to interfere with my work. Lilydog the mascot cuddled up next to me and the baby and got some special attention as well (I'm getting good with multi-tasking here). There was some fussing and the most adorable little grimacing that turn into a full blown wail. I didn't need coaxing to know it was feeding time and went to get a bottle and put it in the warmer. As it heated I made it upstairs with baby Annabel for a diaper check and change and got back downstairs before her wailing became too overwhelming. I settled down to feed her with Lily and two cats, Milo and Mimi, looking on. What a joy to feed, burp, cuddle, and coo! I sang christmas carols and celtic tunes and watched every expression on that little angel face until she was once again asleep in my arms. It seemed like hours turned into minutes as my daughter returned. After a cup of tea and some chat with my "baby girl", I got ready to leave "work". I just can't wait for tomorrow when I can do it all again!

Ring In The New

We all the share the desire to grow as a better person in our lives, it's one reason why at the year's end we try to make resolutions that will bring us closer to the person we really want to be. This year I have given up the usual resolutions that seem to wear off by mid-January... the dieting, quit smoking, exercise more... stuff of the past. This was a year of great joy and personal hardship and yet I am thankful and looking forward to the present state of where I am just for today. My goals this years will be daily ones, both simple and difficult, the main goal is personal but it is one that I cannot accomplish alone. I have wallowed in the shadow of my own self imposed prison of self pity long enough and I can clearly see that it is the place of my own selfish design. But enough of this admission... that was in the past and it is a new day to share. Reluctantly and with trepidation I am reaching out to new people in new ways as I remember the words:

"A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

Happy New Year and Brightest Blessings to all!