Mixed Emotions

Yesterday I took a day off from my blog here, as I try to keep these entries as positive as I can... mostly for the family members that read it. It started a good day being I was in full nursing mode, helping Gerry with the pulled muscle in his leg... applying ice, ace bandaging, gently reminding him not to walk... I would gladly fetch, and generally feeling needed. Then comes a phone call from my Dad in Fl. He was excited about my visit next week, as he reviewed the menu that he has planned, let me know that there is some housekeeping and yard work to be done, tried to give me directions from the airport to his home (he doesn't understand that I have web access and can print the directions before I leave), and generally getting me prepared for the visit. It was another dark and gloomy day and although I tried to stay fairly cheerful, as usual, my Dad knows just how to assess my real mood and push the buttons. He asked me if I still had any friends left... I said, "of course I do, why do you ask?" "Well, darling you sound kinda lonely and since everyone else works, and has a car and you don't... I wondered if all those friends you used to talk about have given up on you." I said no, rather indignantly, and changed the subject. When the call ended, I fell apart... sobbing , and sniffling, and having a meltdown... he was right, most of them have given up on me. Luckily my best friend was there with a hug and quiet encouragement... Gerry of course. I drank a beer and felt better. In the old days, I would have shot some nasty comment back at my Dad and we would have become embroiled in a heated verbal exchange, or what he would term, a debate. Now though, he is an old man who scoots around on one of those hoveround  vehicles as he can no longer walk because of arthritis. I have to hold my tongue and I do generally... but some days my resolve goes soft and I'm back to being as I was as a teenager.. over emotional. It's the hormone thing, and while I was so sure that I successfully moved from Mother to Crone over the past several months... I was hit with another period. So I've decided that next week when I visit my Dad, I won't hold back my emotions... I can always say I have PMS... and perhaps a good debate would do us both a world of good. It would sure beat the loneliness I'm sure we both feel.