Clearing Mental Clutter

One of the benefits of being removed from a full time job is the ability to spend time sitting quietly and watching the thoughts that surface up through the mind. Years of automatic thinking seemed to have led me through a life that never achieved a hint of sustainable peace. I bought scores of self help and spiritual books in an attempt to find the peace that I craved, hoping one would hold the answer, but as soon as the reading was finished the lesson was lost. Outside of the daily 5 minute meditation that was part of my morning routine, my work life, school life and home life held many moments of  worry, fret and thoughts of what if, what next, and a lot of woulda, shoulda, couldas. Of course, these thoughts greatly intensified immediately after losing my job. I could not help but relive the pain and wonder how in one day I had a job I really liked and the next day it was gone. Anger, shock and sorrow are part of the grieving process, but I realized that rehashing the events in my mind would serve no useful purpose in helping me with the present. I had to make a very conscious effort to watch the thoughts that were parading through my head and let them go like a soap bubble in the wind. It was surprising to actively notice how much negative chatter attempts to occupy my mind while sitting quietly or taking a solitary walk. What I try to do now as an exercise in peace during these two daily activities is to place focus on Nature. Instead of listening to myself remind me of all the things I should be doing, or recriminate myself for past events, I consciously watch the antics of the birds and squirrels, notice and wonder what the clouds are up to, and listen as the leaves whisper their secret language. It is easier to do this if I place a smile on my face, and I have become aware that the unwanted thoughts are ready to creep in when that smile disappears. Though I have a ways to go to maintain this peaceful state, I am slowing working up to it by allowing myself the time to practice.