A Toolbox to Beat the Blues

One of the benefits of losing my job and having to seriously downsize, was to realize that I was in a situation that was both depression producing and personally liberating at the same time. Having been on antidepressant medication for almost ten years, I decided that I would choose to explore the personally liberating aspect in favor of the wallowing depression, and decided to wean off my medication completely. Outside of a few annoying withdrawal symptoms, I was drug free in a month. At first, I threw myself into a whirlwind of domestic activity to keep my mind clear of the  negative images that kept surfacing. Painting, scrubbing and yard work are pretty good tools to keep the mind quiet. I continued my daily meditation, and found that sitting in the sun with eyes closed and watching the colors change was the best way to relinquish nagging thoughts.  I also vowed that I would not neglect a personal exercise routine, as there was no legitimate excuse for not having enough time. I chose an alternate schedule of biking, walking, and Pilates to be done at least five times a week without excuse, not only for physical fitness, but mental fitness as well. As I have never been an avid TV watcher, (can't stand the barrage of commercials) books have become a good tool to distract my mind from straying into the dark zone. I also treated myself to fully exploring my photography hobby, and decided that since I always wanted to be a writer, I should find the discipline to do it (hence, this blog). It has been six months since I have been without drugs and I feel terrific! Perhaps, it's because I can look back and see that I wasn't really happy in my previous jobs, but spent a lot of time acting happy  at them (wanted to be an actress too, guess I got my wish).  More importantly though, is I have the time to reflect on what is really going on mentally, and so I make sure I take time to just sit and think. When I feel like a dark cloud starts intruding upon my mind and mood, regardless of the aforementioned tools to distract it, I use the biggest tool in my toolbox... which I call "my Furies." As I sit and think about images or events that bring me down, I give these thoughts my full attention. It's like a huge pity party  where I envision every conceivable mental negativity that I can think of. The rules are that you have to watch every ugly thought and really feel it to it's worst conclusion. What usually happens is that once the mind gets full reign to be dark, it usually peters out rather quickly. Sometimes, as I inwardly watch the thoughts, they become almost humorous and I crack myself up. Most days, my busy schedule keeps me happy and contented, but when I feel the threat of a dark mood coming on, I will invite my Furies and encourage them to the finish.