The Dramatic Quit

For the umpteeth time since my teens, I have again decided to break the cigarette habit. I had been successful for stints of varied abstinence, so I'm definitely not a loser, but this time a new revelation has literally smacked me in the face and kicked me in the knees. I've known for some time now that when you quit, there is always a drama that arises to test your resolve. Most times it is a fight with a family member, in which the martyr (myself) will always seek the solace of a few good smoky inhales... just this once (translation-just go buy a pack). Sometimes the drama comes as a overreaction to a news event such as 911 or global warming in which the ego yells, "grab your pleasures now cause you're gonna die anyway"! Even when the outlook is good the ego whispers a sweet talk, "you deserve to reward yourself, stop worrying, everything is fine." Well, Monday I armed myself with a nicotine patch, skipped my evening cocktail and had a wonderful nights sleep. It didn't take the ego long to catch up with me. Yesterday after a day of one too many iced teas and a patch that really stayed on all day, I went to bed with a flight of ideas and list of to-dos that made me feel like a bipolar maniac. Feeling thirsty and mentally crazy, I ripped off the patch and headed down to the kitchen (in the pitch dark) to fetch  a drink of water. I forgot that the rabbit gate was still barricading the kitchen, walked full force into it, and crash landed face down upon the kitchen floor. It took a full second for me to realize what happened, and then the pain set in. I got the water and limped back to bed. The ego started right in, "maybe a nice glass of whiskey and... ahem, a cigarette would help." "See, the universe is telling you that you are too hard on yourself." Could it be that SOB (Ego) was actually capable of hurting me over a lousy cigarette?  I didn't allow myself to get mad, but I got even as I hobbled down this morning to slap a fresh new patch on my arm. I guess this is warfare, and seeing the length at which the drama has surfaced has given me a great resolve to be victorious this time.