A Near Death Experience

Sometimes when I'm feeling a little discouraged, confused or distressed, I tap into memory that has changed my life. It was 1994 and I had just had a myelogram to pinpoint the ruptured disc that would require surgery to correct the increasing paralysis of my right arm. The radiologist and nurse were engaged in a friendly banter as dye was injected into my body. Suddenly the room got quiet and I heard the words whispered, "I thought you turned it off." I was placed in a tilted position, head down and thought my head was going to explode.. the pain was excruciating. I was wheeled to the CT scan room where I felt dizzy, sick and weak. When I complained about the severe headache I was experiencing, I was told, "It's normal". While in the same day recovery room, the headache worsened and I needed to crawl out of bed to the bathroom where I was projectile vomitting..."all normal side effects I was told." When a young orderly took my blood pressure it was 70/30, which any nurse would tell you is a sign of impending shock, and yet when I mentioned this fact I was told, "naw, the machine is just not working properly." At closing time in the same day unit I was told that my mom had arrived to take me home, and although I protested, now having double vision and chills, I was told "sorry you have to go." A young man helped me into a wheelchair where I lost consciousness, my heartbeat, and blood pressure, and was quickly thrown back on the bed. Hovering above myself, I heard that a code was called and several nurses ran over to start IV's, as my mom held my hand and cried. I was myself, as I watched the scene from above, except that as the vision slowly disintegrated into a warm white light, I felt no fear, no sorrow, or emotion of any kind. I was completely at peace as a thought, content that everything was part of me and I was part of everything. Though only a few minutes were spent in this state of radiant bliss, I was suddenly flanked by two beautiful angels who were laughing kindly, while escorting the essence of me downward. "It's not your time, you have many things to do yet, they communicated." Soon after, I awoke in the intensive care unit, with IVs attached and a terrific headache. Although I felt a little sad, I was grateful for the second chance. I was even more grateful that I was able to sustain the memory of those few glorious minutes. It has made me believe that while there is no ending to who we are, what we usually place so much importance on, is really not that important at all. Living is a necessary journey and a gift... a reason to relearn that what seems separate is really part of a beautiful whole. And so when the occasional dilemma arises, I try to think about that gift from the radiant realm and remember... ALL is well.