A Win Win Ending

Today was a day of reflection over the past several weeks of an increasingly difficult job assignment. for the past two days I was sent to deliver the services of two experienced case managers in the hospital oncology wards. Many patient;s were going home after long stays of chemotherapy and needs services ranging from visiting nurses, to lifesaving medications to implantable chest tubes that would keep them breathing comfortably. It was my job to get pre-authorization from insurance companies, find the participating vendors who would service them in their area as well as do the justification reporting and documentation on their complicated medical stay within the hospital. It was completely overwhelming, and instead of going home feeling as if i was a helping hand, I felt as if I was an incompetent hindrance as the orders were piling up and I frantically searched for the people resources who could help me. I left yesterday with tightness in my chest and a wicked headache... but no tears. You see, while choking down my lunch on a park bench outside of the children's center I was confronted by a fellow lonely person. A young man in a white coat miserably held his head in his hands and in a quavering voice asked my opinion on a difficult decision he was trying to make. "Miss, I am having a terrible time here and feel like I can't go on. I'm almost finished with my pharmacy rotation and I absolutely hate this job. Everyone here is always stressed out and sometimes yelling at me and it feels hopeless (boy could I relate to this kind soul). I gave him the same advice that I gave my son..." you are young and unattached and this is your life. You are always free to seek happiness and that is how you should feel about the work you intend to do. If you gave it your best shot and it is not working , then maybe it is time to move on." He looked so relieved and almost started to cry. We talked a bit and it seemed clear that he had a dream that he would have rather been pursuing all along, but somehow got caught up in the pressures put upon him by someone else. We talked about life, and it was clear that he thought it was hard remaining a kind and calm person in this big city hospital where compassion was hard to come by. I explained that usually the meanest people were those who felt the most insecure and although they probably mean no harm, their unhappiness becomes like a poison and can ruin the joy of others. Then we talked about books and career paths and he seemed in better spirits when I left him to his decision. At the end of my hellish day I went to the nursing office and told them that the job was not working for me and I needed a day to decide my future course. They seemed to understand, as I quietly stated that I was in over my head. Today I let the recruiter know that I could not continue this job and I was surprised at how compassionate and understanding she was. She did not realize the true extent of the work I was expected to do and yet offered me the gift of praise for being honest, and stated that I had won the respect of the whole staff at the hospital who knew I remained professional under harsh circumstances. I agreed to finish out the week on a less intense assignment and she said she would keep me in mind for future part-time temp jobs requiring less stress. It was an amicable exchange and I know when I return tomorrow I would be finishing up a situation that would have the best outcome for all. I was glad to have realized that if you are going to give advice to others, you should be prepared to accept the same advice for yourself.