Alone With My Thoughts

This past year has been a whirl of activity and diversions. Having been fired from the workplace, the grandest of diversions, I have busied myself in the attempt to make sense of my failing there and found that it didn't make sense. Moving on I took interviews from dozens of recruiters in search of work that I no longer desired and gave up. Right before the housing market tanked, I got busy making our home the perfect sell by painting, rearranging, and downsizing stuff... only to find that the market for such a home as ours is rarer than I would have liked to believe. Still, there was the busyness of helping a child find his way from the nest, encouraging the others that their lives were in good working order. I successfully put a habit of exercise into my day and found new creative outlets for my time . I succeeded there, but now that those diversions fit in a comfortable routine... the day is still long. Thoughts once stuffed away like seasonal clothes are tumbling out and into my mind in a frenzy. Some days I get busy with chores, or poetry, or photography... to stop the mental pursuance... but it continues and I ask myself why? I get haunted with the voice of Van Morrison as he sings, "it ain't why, why, why, ... it just is." So today in the spirit of is, I'm facing all those thoughts and frankly I'm terrified. All those thoughts are the ravings of someone who wants to be known, not as I would like others to see me, but for who I really am. A great prophet once declared, "Know thyself"... and I think if I can peel away the layer of thoughts that scream for attention I just might succeed. It's a work in progress... or is it just another form of distraction?